Married to a Musician

[Miss Wifey]

I am married to a man that is popular within the belizean reggae scene. He gets upset when I don't go to his shows. The Groupies are too much for me to handle. They are too aggressive and they get out of line. They call his voicemail too often making up lame excuses for calling, trying to reel him in with bait, like they know how to sing or claiming to have something for him, etc.....And have the nerve to make suggestive "sexual" remarks. To prevent any drama I don't go to his shows.

This music thing is getting to be too much for me to handle. He is always at the studio and staying out late. We rarely spend time together. He says he has to be friendily with his fans for his success, but I am his wife and I don't know how much is too much. I am turning into a nagging and insecure woman and I physically fight with him. I have stolen the password to his voicemail and just the other night I broke his cell phone. I love him, but I don't trust him. I think its time for him to give up me or the music.

[dre]

Wifey, I'm sorry to hear about your predicament. I have a few question however. Was your husband a musician before you got married? Was he as popular as he is now, or did he recently became popular. Were you one of those groupie why you fear what may happen because it happened with you?

The reason I ask all this is because if he had always been a musician then you knew the possibilities of what may happen. Unless of course you never believed in his skills.

Hey he's living a musician life and he chose you and you chose him to both live your lives together. I'm pretty sure there are some things that you do that he wish you do happily. Like going to his shows and represent. That's why we say vows in weddings. Its not just so we could look pretty and handsome in our dresses and tux and everyone smiling at us and telling us how beautiful and lucky we are. Its to share our lives in goodness and in bad, sickness and health. Remember those vows?

I think you should just deal with it and support and trust him. If he has not yet given you a reason not to trust.

Let me ask you this? If you were doing what you loved, what you've worked hard for, doing what you've always dreamed of doing and you were successful at it, would you stop doing it because your husband asked you to because he's insecure about the men you would meet while you're doing your business or the men that would like to get at you because they are attracted to a successful smart woman?

Its not fair for you to ask him to give up his dream, one of his love for the other. Because if you do and he chose you, watch out he may get bitter one day and blame you for his unhappiness. But if you think you alone is the source of his happiness, well wifeyl take your shot.

Male point of view.

[Melody]

Why don't you trust your husband? Has he betrayed you? Or are you just insecure?

I am going to criticize some of your comments, but its in a good way. It may hurt and you get offended, but my intent is not to put you down with shame or guilt. It just might feel that way.

I'm pretty sure that you already know what you have to stop doing, but its probably easier for you to allow your emotions to control you (A Woman's Weakness). Don't try to control his actions and not your own.

1. Stop Nagging
2. Stop all Abuse, including vandalism.
3. Stop being a control freak
4. Stop evading his privacy
5. And Lastily, if you LOVE him, act like it at all times. Don't turn your marriage into a Love/Hate union. Do not let your marriage get to the point of no return.

I really don't know what to say about his career and everything else.

But one thing I can say is that there could be alot of symptoms (underlying problems) to the real problem. Its your guys job to find the real problem and stop all the bickering and side-arguments. Focus on the solution instead of the problem. And focus on one another's strengths instead of your weaknesses. And both of you guys need to be commited to making your marriage a HEALTHY one.

Both of you guys need to be careful about what you bring to the table (dish out). In other words, don't feed your spouse something you wouldn't want for yourself. Love conquers hate. If you come to him honest and sincere without the desire to cause pain, injury, or distress, he probably won't have fuel for the fire.

[SASHA]

MISS WIFEY, I AM JUST CURIOUS, THIS HUSBAND OF YOURS COULD IT BE POSSIBLE THAT HE IS A PUNTA ARTIST?

[Miss Wifey]

He is a belizean musician. I have to keep his identity a secret. Dre and Melody you both have posted some interesting comments. I will respond after I finish thinking about what you said.

[Ladie]

Miss Wifey, I haven't been in your shoes, but I feel that if you met your husband as a musician then you should try to trust him and stick it out with him, because it seems like he could have had all these different girls, but he made a choice to settle down with you.
I have A cousin that's a belizean musician who is engagaed and his fiance' is starting to feel the same way you do, But it's a very complicated when you're in the music business. From what I've observed there are a lot of countless hours that has to be spent in the studio, and you do have to be very considerate to the fans eventhough they could be crazy at times.
I really feel that you should talk to your husband and let him know how you feel and maybe you could try to advise him not to be handing out his # to females unless it's really necessary; that might avoid temptation.
I also think that you should start going to his shows and show that you are intrested in what he does and are very supportive.
To be honest, if you really don't feel the relationship is working out for you and it maybe 2 much to handle, then you shouldn't allow yourself to go through such an emotional rollercoaster. Maybe you'd be better off by yourself. That way you wouldn't have to be stressed out.

[Lucky]

Honey,

It's like this! I'm also married to an artist in this here industry and I can tell you this, these females are ruthless and don't care if he's married or not!! Those are facts that need to be faced. I know you love your man cause I love mine and the only way to keep them and our peace of mind is to learn to trust. When he betrays that trust by being weak then for better or worst you get them through it if they show that it is something that won't interfere with what progress you two have set for yourselves. I also must admit that I fail to go to shows for the same reason. I've been to shows where fleemales like to walk straight up to him give him a hug like I wasn't standing there and it took knowing he's going home with me not to beat their ass on site. So, the only thing I could tell you is not to let his career be the reason you split... there has to be more... what's the point in marrying!! Stay strong honey, from one wif to another it's hard but it could be worse...you could leave him and him over to all those skanks that have done nothing to make him the wonderful man that he is.

Respect

[DAISY]

Hey Lucky,

Don't try to front like your man didn't marry you for the green card and that you guys have a good marriage,. I know who your husband is and as far as I can recall you kicked him out of your apartment and he went to go live with his mom and he started dating a girl and you went to his mom's apartment and begged him to come home because you were embarrassed that your marriage was ending after 6 months. He went back to you, but you guys fight every other day and put hands on eachother and pull knives on each other. Little girl your husband doesn't care about being married. He doesn't want to re-marry you with a real ceremony. You forced him to wear a ring and a matter of fact you bought it.

How can a half *** wife make a real *** husband? You guys aren't doing much of anything. That is why I left him alone. You guys are made for eachother. You guys got evicted and live in a motel on the East Side, You guys can't pay your bills and your car might get repo'd after you failed to make the payments on the down payment. You live out of your car. I need to be with someone that is one my level. I MET HIM AFTER YOU GUYS HAD GOTTEN INTO THE FIGHT AROUND THE 4TH OF JULY. I FOUND OUT HE WAS MARRIED TO YOU IN OCTOBER AFTER YOU CALLED MY HOUSE LOOKING FOR HIM. I HASD NEVER PUT A GUN TO HIS HEAD TO CALL ME OR SEE ME. HE BROKE HIS NECK. AS YOUR PHONE BILL/ CELL PHONE SHOWS PLENTY OF OUTGOING CALLS TO MY CITY. THERE COMES A TIME WHEN YOU GOT TO BLAME YOUR MAN. i HAVE CALLED IT OFF WITH HIM PLENTY OF TIMES JUST FOR HIM TO CRY AND PLEA WITH ME TO STICK AROUND UNTIL HE GETS HIS PAPERS. You are a complete fool for staying with him after what he has done to you and in front of you. I ain't living no fantasy with him. We both know what he has done. You stick by your man. I MAY BE ON HERE PUTTING YOU ON BLAST, BUT YOU ASKED FOR IT. I STOPPED SLEEPING WITH HIM BECAUSE I AM NOT DOWN FOR THAT AND HE WILL ADMIT THAT. WE JUST HUNG OUT AND SPENT TIME AS FRIENDS. BUT ONE THING i CAN TELL YOU IS THAT i AM NOT THAT TYPE OF GIRL TO GET A KICK OFF OF SLEEPING WITH A MARRIED MAN. THE REASON WHY I HAVE NO SHAME IN TELLING YOU THIS AND AT THE SAME TIME LOSING MY FRIENDSHIP WITH HIM IS BECAUSE I AM A WOMAN. AND i HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 5 YEARS AND NOW LEGALLY SEPARATED. i HAVE TOLD HIM ON NUMEROUS OCCASSIONS, THAT IF HE DOESN'T WANT YOU HE NEEDS TO LEAVE YOU. aND STOP USING YOU BECAUSE SOMEONE IS GOING TO GET HURT AND IT IS WRONG. i HAVE BEEN LED ON AND USED AND IT ISN'T A NICE FEELING AND YOU WALK AWAY TOTALLY FEELING EMPTY AND VIOLATED. IF YOU GOT TO DEMAND RESPECT AND FIGHT HIM. YOU DON'T NEED TO BE WITH. SAME THING GOES ABOUT THE RING AND RENEWING VOWS. yOU WILL LEARN LATER. AS FAR AS i CAN SEE, YOU GUYS KEEP GETTING CLOSER TO THE POINT OF NO RETURN. yOU CAN'T TURN SOUR MILK SWEET. IT IS WHAT IT IS. yOU CAN'T FORCE SOMETHING THAT ISN'T MEANT TO BE.

I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU CAME ON HERE TELLING A MAKE-BELIEVE STORY ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE AND DEFENDING HIM. IF YOU HAVE TO LIE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER FOR YOU TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND STAYED QUIET. BECAUSE 90% OF LOS ANGELES, INCLUDING BUSINESS ASSOCIATES THINK THAT HE IS SINGLE, BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT HE WANTS THEM TO KNOW. 10% OF BELIZEANS KNOW HE IS MARRIED BECAUSE OF ME BEFORE THAT ONLY HIS FAMILY KNEW.

[bemetu]

who is this artist?....inquiring mind want to know...send me a private message.

[Matt 2641]

bemetu i figure it out because the man wife done come here and tell us who her husband is. this girl come here and post for days now about her husband this and her husband that. sound like she trying to convince herself more than anything. it is all hot air. hint: the soft part of the human body. "watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. the spirit indeed is willing, but the ----------is weak."

[The Empress]

I see the board is getting spiced up again. Let's just all maintain some type of respect and dignity. Very interestng story, I wonder who it is myself Bemetu!

[The Empress]

I thought so, how silly! He seems like a nice guy why are people putting his business out here. Let's leave this alone, the webmaster is going through a rough time and is probably not available to monitor these comments.

[Ace Ventura]

his wife is the one who started it. if he can't control what she does why should the webmaster. i do agree that all his business should not be up here but the drama has been entertaining.