Post by BelizeanBrownSugar on Mar 14, 2003 11:21:17 GMT -5
Why more black women are dating white men ?
When it comes down to Black and White couples, it's more common to see a Black man with a White woman. But more and more Black female/White male couples are popping up. The U.S. Census Bureau reports that the number of Black wife/White husband marriages skyrocketed from 60,000 in 1993 to 122,000 in 1995.
Why are more Black women dating White men?
"A limited selection pool is one of the things that pops into mind," says Dr. Tyrone Carter about the reason more Black women are turning to White men. He points to the "discrepancy in education levels between males and females" and notes that a woman "seeks a partner who's comparable educationally and socially." Carter, a consulting psychologist in Milwaukee, WI, contends that "the more education you have...your interests expand and you want someone who may have comparable education." Carter says that statistics bear that there are more available women than men. "In my practice, I often hear my female African-American clients complaining of not having adequate relationships or opportunity to meet the "types of males they'd like to meet." He says the alarming number of Sisters dating White men should send a message to Brothers. "Maybe we as Black males may want to look at this as a wake-up call," he points out. "What do we perhaps need to do...to make us realize that there's something we need to work on, self-enhancement, self-improvement that will enhance our natural, normal appeal.
"This is happening for a reason because of issues we need to deal with." While Dr. Sharon Ames-Dennard of Tallahassee, FL, agrees that statistics prove that there is a ratio imbalance between Black men and women, she says society is one of the reasons more Black women are choosing to date outside of their race. "We're in a culture and climate that has never endorsed the Black man," she states. "...Black women don't want to understand why the Black male got in the predicament he is in." Ames-Dennard, who runs the Aakhet Center for Human Development with her husband, Dana, says too many Black women have a fairy-tale vision of romance and manhood. "If they (Black women) are in corporate America, all they are seeing is White men...They believe in that soap opera romanticism which says Victor Newman (of the soap opera "The Young and the Restless") is the man...They see power, shrewdness, kindness, warmth demonstrated in materialistic things. Then they equate that to what real manhood is."
For Sunshine Dixon of Portland, OR, who has dated the "rainbow," her primary reason for dating White men isn't based on race. "I was looking at the truth, which was his inside," she says about her reason for dating a particular White man. "...Character and integrity--that has the longest impression on you. Dixon also said she started dating outside her race because she received more attention from men of other races. "Nobody gets dressed in the morning to be ignored," she explains. "The Brothers would look and pass me, and I would not get one compliment...and you can't get that much of being ignored on one end and getting so much attention on the other end." Dixon, 28, a customer service associate at a department store, adds, "I do not date a guy who won't date his own race because if he doesn't feel comfortable with himself, how can he be comfortable with me?"
Tricia Serju-Harris, a personal finance reporter in Detroit, says she married a White man who "fulfilled all of my dreams." She too dated Black men and men from other cultures. Serju-Harris said the Brothers she dated "were very aware that there were not many Black men in the area (who she wanted to fall in love with)." As a result, they mistreated her. "If I would get angry, they'd say, `Fine I don't need you' No woman needs that," Serju-Harris contends. "No woman needs a man who knows he can just snap his finger and there will be five Black women to replace her I didn't want to date anyone of any race who could not respect me." Serju-Harris says she was "raised color-blind...It doesn't matter the color of the man; the measure of man is what kind of man is he...You can have a good White man, you could have a bad White man....Race has never been the number-one thing with me." Now Serju-Harris, who married her husband, Nathan, four months ago, says her life is wonderful. But they do have to put up with some long, hard stares, she admits. When someone calls her a "lost sister," she says, "My blood boils on the inside because I dated Black men who mistreated me, took me for granted, disrespected me...to hear this stranger trying to judge me...they have me figured out already. All I ever wanted was someone to love me and to love someone I'd be with....Part of me wants to stop them and scream, `I gave my people a chance. I did not choose to leave Black men. I chose to find someone, anyone, to love, someone who would be deserving of my love.' "I don't need the shallow men. I'm so happy right now. My life has changed. One person has made me so happy. So what his hair is straight, his features are European and his skin is pale. Big deal!"
COPYRIGHT 1997 Johnson Publishing Company Inc.
When it comes down to Black and White couples, it's more common to see a Black man with a White woman. But more and more Black female/White male couples are popping up. The U.S. Census Bureau reports that the number of Black wife/White husband marriages skyrocketed from 60,000 in 1993 to 122,000 in 1995.
Why are more Black women dating White men?
"A limited selection pool is one of the things that pops into mind," says Dr. Tyrone Carter about the reason more Black women are turning to White men. He points to the "discrepancy in education levels between males and females" and notes that a woman "seeks a partner who's comparable educationally and socially." Carter, a consulting psychologist in Milwaukee, WI, contends that "the more education you have...your interests expand and you want someone who may have comparable education." Carter says that statistics bear that there are more available women than men. "In my practice, I often hear my female African-American clients complaining of not having adequate relationships or opportunity to meet the "types of males they'd like to meet." He says the alarming number of Sisters dating White men should send a message to Brothers. "Maybe we as Black males may want to look at this as a wake-up call," he points out. "What do we perhaps need to do...to make us realize that there's something we need to work on, self-enhancement, self-improvement that will enhance our natural, normal appeal.
"This is happening for a reason because of issues we need to deal with." While Dr. Sharon Ames-Dennard of Tallahassee, FL, agrees that statistics prove that there is a ratio imbalance between Black men and women, she says society is one of the reasons more Black women are choosing to date outside of their race. "We're in a culture and climate that has never endorsed the Black man," she states. "...Black women don't want to understand why the Black male got in the predicament he is in." Ames-Dennard, who runs the Aakhet Center for Human Development with her husband, Dana, says too many Black women have a fairy-tale vision of romance and manhood. "If they (Black women) are in corporate America, all they are seeing is White men...They believe in that soap opera romanticism which says Victor Newman (of the soap opera "The Young and the Restless") is the man...They see power, shrewdness, kindness, warmth demonstrated in materialistic things. Then they equate that to what real manhood is."
For Sunshine Dixon of Portland, OR, who has dated the "rainbow," her primary reason for dating White men isn't based on race. "I was looking at the truth, which was his inside," she says about her reason for dating a particular White man. "...Character and integrity--that has the longest impression on you. Dixon also said she started dating outside her race because she received more attention from men of other races. "Nobody gets dressed in the morning to be ignored," she explains. "The Brothers would look and pass me, and I would not get one compliment...and you can't get that much of being ignored on one end and getting so much attention on the other end." Dixon, 28, a customer service associate at a department store, adds, "I do not date a guy who won't date his own race because if he doesn't feel comfortable with himself, how can he be comfortable with me?"
Tricia Serju-Harris, a personal finance reporter in Detroit, says she married a White man who "fulfilled all of my dreams." She too dated Black men and men from other cultures. Serju-Harris said the Brothers she dated "were very aware that there were not many Black men in the area (who she wanted to fall in love with)." As a result, they mistreated her. "If I would get angry, they'd say, `Fine I don't need you' No woman needs that," Serju-Harris contends. "No woman needs a man who knows he can just snap his finger and there will be five Black women to replace her I didn't want to date anyone of any race who could not respect me." Serju-Harris says she was "raised color-blind...It doesn't matter the color of the man; the measure of man is what kind of man is he...You can have a good White man, you could have a bad White man....Race has never been the number-one thing with me." Now Serju-Harris, who married her husband, Nathan, four months ago, says her life is wonderful. But they do have to put up with some long, hard stares, she admits. When someone calls her a "lost sister," she says, "My blood boils on the inside because I dated Black men who mistreated me, took me for granted, disrespected me...to hear this stranger trying to judge me...they have me figured out already. All I ever wanted was someone to love me and to love someone I'd be with....Part of me wants to stop them and scream, `I gave my people a chance. I did not choose to leave Black men. I chose to find someone, anyone, to love, someone who would be deserving of my love.' "I don't need the shallow men. I'm so happy right now. My life has changed. One person has made me so happy. So what his hair is straight, his features are European and his skin is pale. Big deal!"
COPYRIGHT 1997 Johnson Publishing Company Inc.
