Black Men, White Women

[Empress]

What do you all think about this letter, I remember it caused quite a stir when it was published in Sister 2 Sister a while ago. How do you feel about this topic?
Source: Sister 2 Sister Magazine (January 2002 Issue)

Dear Jamie,
I'm sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Black male readers. I am a White female who is engaged to a Black male-good-looking, educated and loving. I just don't understand a lot of Black female's attitudes about our relationship. My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Black women were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage.

Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly approached by Black men, willing to wine and dine me and give me the world. If Black women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why don't they look at themselves and make some changes. I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we're out in public.

I would like to hear from some Black men about why we are so appealing and coveted by them. Bryant Gumbel just left his wife of 26 years for one of us. Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry Belafonte, Sydney Poitier, Kofi Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius, Berry Gordy, Billy Blanks, Larry Fishburne, Wesley Snipes...I could go on and on. But, right now, I'm a little angry and that is why I wrote this so hurriedly. Don't be mad with us White women because so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better. If I'm wrong, Black men, let me know.
Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA

[Melody]

I can't believe what that chick said. I would love to smack some sense into her. She had to go into a Black magazine and say that cause she surely wouldn't say that to a Black women's face and why didn't she take her proud white *** and post that s**t in a cracker jack magazine like Cosmo!

I'd love to smack the Black man who allowed her to dog Black women like that. I guess he forgot his momma is Black. And most of the time when these men date white girls they are cheap imitations of Black Women anyways. And then Black men have a lot of problems too, but we don't dog them. I really don't care if a Black man dates a white woman. Everyone has a choice about who they want to date, but its foul for ANYBODY to voice hatred for their own race or culture.
I guess it depends where you live. Where I live, its rare to find Blacks dating eachother, that goes for Black women too. I don't know why some Black men think bad about us, Black women. It hard to say who created who (chicken or egg), but we should try to stick together.

I know a lot of Black guys that married white women and they regret it, because the family treats him so bad or she tries to keep him from associating with Black people. They argue about hair products, kids identity and food, entertainment, Culture-Clashes. Its stupid petty argruments that 2 normal people of the same culture wouln't have. Its like they are both trying to assimilate eachother. It is a crazy thing, especially when you analyze the crap. I know a lot of white girls whose parents said they will kill them if they ever dated a Black man. They'd tell them you can have anything but a Black man. My sister-law's (Philipino/White) parents told her that all the time and she rebelled and married one. She used to hang around Blacks, but not anymore. Black girls tried to jump her and harrassed them at Six Flags. They go out to eat and Black waitresses will be mean to them. I don't care, when I see an inter-racial couple, it doesn't bother me and I don't make them my concern. I hate it when I walk pass them any they seem to get scared and look at the ground. They get too much abuse.

.This whole issue is complex there are so many reasons why people date out there race. I don't have a problem with interracial dating. The only thing that irks me is the stereotypes and the self-hatred. Not all Black men and women act the same. And I don't think that Blacks should give up on eachother like that, because most of us were raised the same. And we need to keep our race strong and empower our people not turn our backs on them. And all those bigshot Blacks like Sammy Davis Jr. (who in my opinion resented being Black), Harry Belafonte and whatnot who have the money and power should invest more in their people (Like creating Family Clinics for Black People). Those men flock around whites like they hate Blacks. Then they wonder why regular Blacks are the way they are. They left us with idiots like Al Sharpton. They need to invest some interest and support into us, if you know what I mean

[CHAOTIC]

You know what empress I have a better one written by a chino man. I will post it when I find it.
This is crazy, but these people look at us and they see us the way we are. So they do have a right to their opinions, but they shouldn't automatically think that all blacks are like that.
On another note I think that black people should then look at themselves cause honestly another person can see us better at times. So blacks really need to look at themselves and start making changes not to suit whites, but for our their own good.

[Melody]

Very True, I wanted to say that, but I didn't want to offend anyone. I get so pissed when Black people get on TV and make a fool of themselves and poorly represent Black people. That makes us look bad. There are some things that we should keep private. Like some of the comedians degrade their race for a stupid joke. Like that guy from MadTV calls it a hustle. I see a lot of famous Blacks do it too. Like Snoop and others, constantly glorify that they used to sell drugs. Tim Allen used to sell too, but he hardly mentions it. BlackStars glorify negative and material stuff and the young kids follow them.

We are like suffering from a paradox of progress/success. We are shining on TV and whatnot and have gained recognition, but social problems and personal difficulties are still big and getting worse.


Go ahead and post that thing about what the Asian guy said.

[BelizeanPoet]

Hey Melody, I hate to be the one to have to come out and tell ya but it’s that same nasty attitude that made this woman say the things she said. And why would you want to smack her for her opinion? If that was the case , a whole lot of a** smacking would be taking place right now. You don’t always have to be judgmental, argumentative and aggressive about another person’s opinion (s). Let her have her say and you have yours in a mannerly fashion. Mind you, she did not call any names huh, she was speaking randomly. And we’ve all said some nasty crap about white and black women at some point in our lives. She said she was quoting what her “Black man” said but we don’t know how true that is. Maybe that is her own opinion of us “Black Women”, and she thought she’d look supported if she claimed her man said it.

Yes, she made some real low blows on the Black Woman but if you know you don’t fit the description she speaks of, then why are you so offended. People talk crap all the time of blacks, whites, Asians, Creole, people always talking about somebody else. People always try and bring down others they feel threatened by and this “White Chic” is obviously threatened by Black women, be it that they are., and I quote “too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage”

That “Black Man” was obviously looking for love in all the wrong places. He may be good-looking, educated and loving in her eyes, but maybe she settles for less than what a Black woman would settle for. He may be good looking to her, his loving may be good to her but not to a black woman. Everyone is different and that is what she needs to realize what is good for you may not be good for me. They say beauty and love is in the eyes of the beholder and behold, she found love (I HOPE) in this black man and this black man found love in her whereas he was unable to find love in a black woman.

Indeed there are “Black women who fit this description but there are white women who fit the description as well. Hell, there are white women who aren’t fat but Obese, white women who are loud, others who just keep quiet and take abuse, white women who are mean others who are kind, and its all a desperate plea for love and attention, and I could go on but why? I know who I am as a black woman, I know I have goals and values, I know Black men find me attractive, sexy, honest, loyal and more. This white woman should be glad she was fortunate to be with one of our very own Black men. Black man, Black woman, we are of the same seed, that’s what this woman needs to realize.

That statement was supposedly made by one black man who probably dated the wrong black females and so he judges them all wrongfully. But ladies, my black sister’s don’t let that get you down. You know what you stand for, who you are and who you are aspiring to be. Just let that be a warning that sometimes people portray you by the way you act. We are and will always be as educated, attractive, independent, loving, and appealing to men as any white woman out there. We can rebel and list off some white men who left their white wives for more appealing black women too but why stoop to her level, she’s obviously insecure about her “Black man” cause she obviously knows that the “Black Man” might end up going back to his roots.

She claims that before she became engaged she’d meet many men who wanted to wine and dine her but we don’t know under what circumstance that was. She isn’t the first woman whom a black man has wanted to wine and dine. In my opinion I think this woman has too much pride for her own good and hopefully one day she will realize it and I wish them all the luck I would wish for any other couple. God didn’t make whites for whites or blacks for black, he made man for woman and whichever you choose as your partner, that is your right, you live your life as you choose.

The thing about this whole story is that I could go on and on but with us only hearing one side of the story we can only assume what the case is. I’m sure there are black women out there with similar stories of being with a white man and white women who aren’t to happy about it, such is life though. Just live up to your expectations and screw what others have to say. You date who you want to date and interracial relationships or not, that’s fine by me, just don’t try and date my man
;D

[Melody]

My bad girl, When I say outrageous stuff like smacking that girl, I was not at all serious. I'll watch how I say that next time, because people here don't really know that's how I talk when I am excited.

I don't have a problem with interracial dating. Like I said I know alot of people who date out there race and I have and I can tell you that you get harrassed. I dated a white guy in H.S. and all the black guys in my neighbor would harass us even though they dated white girls. Really, I've choose to only date Black guys, I can relate to them more, but I can't deal with the harassment either. That mess is crucial. You get foul treatment from Black guys and girls, but also the women from the guys race. Black guys really don't get dogged by Black dudes. I've seen my brother and his wife go through it and its stupid for some of the people to make them their concern. Like my boyfriend is Belizean and we both catch hell and we are both Black. My USA guy friends talk mad s**t and some BZE chicks call his house and harass him for being with an American girl.

True, that girl in the article did describe some Black women, but the way she did it wasn't necessary. "................. But, right now, I'm a little angry and that is why I wrote this so hurriedly. Don't be mad with us White women because so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better. If I'm wrong, Black men, let me know. "

it started good, but then it went a little bad. She is looking at it from her perspective. Like where I llive, I used to think that Black men hated Black women, because I'd never see a Black couple, but when I went outside my town, I met Black guys that adore Black women only.

But I guess she was upset and tired of the abuse. She really forgot to mention all the famous Black women that date white guys. She probalby would have gotten a better response if she humbled herself. Because all the accusations, stereotypes, etc... just upset people and they miss the message. It probably would have been more effective if she just briefly stated her opinion and feelings, but she was in an "angry rush" Also, if she really wanted her comments to have an impact on Black Women and how they treat HER, she should have went to the real source of her dismay. Like for every person that makes a remark or mean set them straight, but then she will be spending so much time defending her relationship. it would be a neverending battle for her to try and change all that, so she needs to find a way to not let them get to her. I bet she is tired and doesn't know how to deal with it. And it is kind of messed up for her to use "all" Black women as her target (overgeneralizing) I bet that there are Whites that harass her, but she doesn't want to defend her actions to a White person who may have a lot of negative things to say.

Its really makes some people look ignorant when they judge people or only focus on one-side. There are so many Black women that support their men, some even take care of them. There are two words I try not to use, Always and Never. Then I don't like to use Stereotypes, because there are always exceptions.

[BelizeanBrownSugar]

Dear Jamie:

I would like to respond to the letter written by
A Disgusted White Girl. Let me start by saying
that I am a 28-year old black man. I graduated
from one of the most prestigious universities in
Atlanta, Georgia with a Bachelor of Arts Degree
in Business Management. I have a good job at a
major corporation and have recently purchased a
house. So, I consider myself to be among the
ranks of successful black men.

I will not use my precious time to slander white
people. I just want to set the record straight
of why black men date white women.

Back in the day, one of the biggest reasons why
black men dated white women was because they were
considered easy. The black girls in my neighborhood
were raised in the church. They were very strict about
when they lost their virginity and who
they lost it to. Because of our impatience to
wait, brothers would look for someone who would
give it up easy without too much hassle. So,
they turned to the white girls.

Nowadays, in my opinion, a lot of brothers date
white women because they are docile and easy to
control. A lot of black men, because of
insecurities, fears, and overall weaknesses, have
become intimidated by the strength of our black women.
We are afraid that our woman will be more successful
than us, make more money than us, drive nicer
cars and own bigger houses.
Because of this fear, many black men look for a
more docile woman. Someone we can control. I have
talked to numerous black men and they
continuously comment on how easy it is to control
and walk over their white women.

I just want to set the record straight. I want A
Disgusted White Girl to know that not all
successful black men date white women. Brothers
like Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan,
Morris Chestnut, Will Smith, Blair Underwood,
Samuel Jackson, and Chris Rock all married strong
black women. And, to flip the scrip, there are
numerous white men, in and out of the spot light,
who openly or secretly desire black women over white
women. Ted Danson, Robert DeNiro, and David
Bowie to name a few.

I just don't want a disgusted white girl to be
misinformed. Stop thinking that because you are
white that you are some type of goddess.
Remember, when black Egyptian Queens like Hatsepshut and
Nitorcris were ruling Dynasties and armies of men
in Egypt, you were over in the caves of Europe
eating raw meat and beating each other over the
head with clubs.

Read your history. It was the black woman that
taught you how to cook and season your food. It
was the black woman that taught you how to praise
your children. It was black women who were
breastfeeding and raising your babies during
slavery.
It is the black woman that had to endure watching
their fathers, husbands, and children beaten,
killed, and thrown in jail. Black women were
born with two strikes against them: being black and
being a woman. And, through all this, Still They
Rise!

It is because of the black women's strength,
elegance, power, love and beauty that I could
never date anyone except my black Queen. It is not
just the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to
them. It is not the fact that they come in all
shapes, sizes, colors and shades that I love them.
Their inner beauty is what I find most appealing about black
women.
Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls,
their integrity, their ability to overcome great
obstacles, their willingness to stand for what
they believe in, and their determination to
succeed and reach their highest potential while enduring
great pain and suffering is why I have fallen in
love with black women.

I honestly believe that your anger is geared more
toward jealousy and envy than snotty looks. If
this were not so, then why do you continuously go
to tanning salons to darken your skin? If you
are so proud to be white, then why don't you just
be happy with your pale skin? Why do you
continue to inject your lips, hips, and breasts
with unnatural and dangerous substances so you can
look fuller and more voluptuous? I think that your
anger is really a result of you wanting to have
what the black woman has.

BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile
woman, someone I can walk over and control, I
would give you a call. But, unfortunately, I am
looking for a Virtuous Woman. Someone that can be a good
wife and mother to my children. Someone who can
be my best friend and understands my struggles. I
am looking for a soul mate. I am looking for a
sister and; unfortunately, you do not and CANNOT
fit the bill.

No offense taken, none given.

Signed,
Black Royalty

[Melody]

He made some good points!

[BelizeanPoet]

See, there you have it. Like I said before, that white girl was speaking about ONE black man who chose her. The reasons stated above may or may not be the reason why that black man chose her but I do know that most black men think and agree with the wise words of Black Royalty.

While some white females feel they are superior to our African Princesses, they are not in the eyes of our African Princes and we should not encourage them to feel that way because we are all equal. Had it not been for our heritage, the white woman would not know half as much as they do now. I feel so proud to be a Black Woman, Black Royalty defended us well and honestly.

Just always remember also that what we do and say sometimes reflect on our personality and give people the wrong impressions of us.

[Belizefriend]

I never realised that this subject would get that much attention !...
I am a white girl, and I dated a black guy for about 3 years... My brother (white guy) dated a black girl (beautiful, I saw her picture ! )... I never thought I was a "white girl" dating a "black guy"... I was just a girl dating the one I was in love with... When we were dating, I was so proud of being with him, not because he was black, but just because he was soooo handsome, and sweet, and loving, and interesting, and hardworking, and in love !.. And when we broke up, I dont know if he went to a black or a white woman, and honestly, I dont really care !... We had come to the end of that part of our story, we are still very good friends...

Some black guys date black girls, some date white girls, some white girls date white guys, some date black guys... What's the problem with that !... If I feel good with a guy, I dont care if he is black, or white, or yellow.. Might as well be blue !.. If we feel good together, that means we share something, we have something in common, and that's all that matters to me !...

[dre]

I agree. I'm a black man, and I have a white girlfriend. I bet you guys didn't know that did you?

[Empress]

I'll keep my opinions to myself on this subject I don't want to upset any of the "we are the world" people

[dre]

Ha, Ha, Ha. Can you see us holding hands around the world

[Belizefriend]

Empress, I 'd like to have your opinion ! I guess I am one of those "we are the world" people !...

[MrFlash]

this is going to be a topic for the ages. Lemme C where to start: If a man is just tryna "hit", he's gonna get w/a white girl cuz they're "easy" Another thing to look @, since we're all over the place, you have some black folks that're raised up in majority caucasian suburbs so all they're exposed to is white chix. I realized that when I went to UCLA. When I saw the mixture & "heard" the way the black guys spoke, it was cuz they didn't grow up in the "hood". they didn't grow up around black women, hence, no attraction, familiarity, commonality, bond.
Now, ANOTHER fact is, you gotta love who love you. If a brotha ain't gettin no love from his sisters, what is he spose to do, B by himself? My cousin right now is "in b'tween"...he's not black enough for sisters but he's not "oreo" enough for white chix hahaha. He has a white girlfriend but I ovastand Y he does.
The thing is, ladies, i think you need to find out from each brotha that's w/a white woman Y he's w/her.Background, money or easy sex. This is jus my opinion.It's not law. As for me....i'm strictly caribbean. I like my women w/style, sex appeal, exotic & beautiful Belizean ways